White Picket Fence & Perfectionism

Picket Fence Lady

A picket fence looks inviting and hospitable. 

We are drawn to the perfectionist,

with her painted pickets in a tidy row.

But as we approach her, we run into some problems.

The fence has no gate; there is no point of entry.

Also the fence is much higher than it seemed from a distance. 

On close inspection, the pickets appear threateningly jagged,

--like an angry sneer.

We back away, confused and disappointed.

The perfectionist breathes a lonely sigh of relief.

She believes we would have been

far more disappointed had we found out

how imperfect she really is.

The perfectionist, venting her hostility,

driving each picket in like a stake.

For her, the stakes are high because exposure

throws her back into the painful emotions

she's felt most of her life.

So she continues to hide behind perfectionism,

making her untouchable, condescending and 

sometimes hostile.

The truth is, she can't risk additional rejection.

So rather than risk feeling her sadness,

which is intense because it has penetrated

so deeply into her soul,

she lives in emotional isolation.

How sad to the white picket fence lady.

(Author Unknown)

I try not to be this person. But sadly I can relate to this. I don't know why I struggle with perfectionism so bad. Maybe its from all those hours at gymnastics fixing the toe points and knee bends to perfection or maybe its because I do protect myself from others. Because the people I'm suppose to feel the safest with really hurt me. I don't know. But maybe it doesn't matter why I struggle with toxic perfectionism, I just really want to overcome it. Tear down my white picket fence, or at least build a gate. I want to be open with people, like I am in my blog. I don't know why I feel like I can't be myself. 

I had the best friends I ever had at CFC and I think it was because we were forced to share all of ourselves with each other. We all had eating disorders, weaknesses and pasts that we were forced to share with each other. Those girls knew everything about me. I had nothing to hide. And they still loved me! We all could relate to each other, we were super supportive and truly cared about each other. Sometimes I wish the real world were more like CFC. Everything- relationships, conversations etc. just seem so on the surface. 

I need to let people get to know all of me. Be myself and if people don't like me or approve of me than oh well. I know, I should try to make someone not like me, just so that I can see the world won't turn upside down if someone disapproves of me. 

I think this is a really common characteristic with people who have ED's. Perfection can be toxic, it can be paralyzing, and I have definitely felt that effect of it. It's by making mistakes that we learn, its by experimenting that we figure out the best way to do things, its our quirks and human-like characteristics that make us love able. I don't need to be perfect!!! aaah that's a load off the shoulders.

I find that if I don't continually work on this, perfectionism creeps back into my life. I'm too hard on myself, I loose my zest for life, I'm scared of making the wrong decision or saying the wrong thing that I just don't do anything. I lose my personality, and I miss it. I really need to work on this. Anyone relate?

Because I am a quote nut:

"You can please some of the people you know all of the time, and all of the people you know some of the time, but you cannot please all of the people you know all of the time." -Lincoln

"Air for success, not perfection. Never give up your right to be wrong. Because then you will lose the ability to learn new things and move forward with your life. Remember that fear always lurks behind perfectionism. Confronting your fears and allowing yourself the right to be human can, paradoxically, make yourself a happier and more productive person. - Dr. David M. Burns

"Many perfectionists believe that they must earn other people's love and approval by being outstanding  An alternative philosophy would be: Our vulnerabilities and flaws- not our successes and strengths- ultimately make us lovable and human. - unknown

"The alternative to perfectionism is not complacency but contentment. It's OK to keep striving for what's best; we just need to put up with some messiness as we do. We need to give ourselves permission to succeed the only way we can in a real world, imperfectly."- unknown

"Striving for excellence motivates you, striving for perfection is demoralizing" -Harriet Braiker

"To escape criticism do nothing, be nothing, say nothing." -Elbert Hubbard

"You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out." - Martha Graham

"When nobody around you measures up, its time to check your yard stick" -Bill Lemley

"The way to succeed is to double your error rate"- Thomas J. Watson

"Moderate your expectations, and stop focusing on faults and flaws, and then watch your performance and self esteem soar" - unknown

"The maxim 'Nothing but Perfection' may be spelled paralysis" - Winston Churchill

When the savior said "Be ye therefore perfect, even as I am" He didn't mean in this life. Perfect people don't need a savior. This life is a time for learning and growing. So relax a little would ya :) Geez (speaking to myself)