Dear Body

Dear body of mine,

I did not realize what a gift you are, I took you for granted. Once upon a time I was so excited to meet you and get to live in you. You would allow me to do everything I could not do without you. You would help me grow and learn and experience in ways that I couldn't without you. You would help me come alive! I'm sorry, I didn't realize how special, vital, & unique you are.

Please forgive me for all the times I hated you and wanted to get rid of you, and for all the times I mistreated you and abused you. I feel so horrible for all the times you were telling me I'm hungry and I ignored you thinking I was doing you a favor. And for all the times I put you through so much stress with my head in the toilet. I thought you did, but you didn't deserve that, no body does. I didn't know then, but I know now. We are doing so good, its been over two years since I treated you that badly! I promise I will treat you with the love and respect you merit.

I did not realize that you are MINE. That I did not have to listen to all those people telling me there was something wrong with you, that I needed to "fix" you, or that you were not good enough. I realize now that you don't want to be the center of attention that your purpose is to help me, who I am, quirks and all, shine through. I thought you wanted to be admired and give the illusion of perfection. I thought that's how I would be acceptable and worthy of love. I did not know you just wanted me to let go and be myself. That I already have something worthwhile and lovable about me and that I am worthy of being loved and my Love is worth having. I know now, and I promise that I will do my best to love and be loved without being perfect or expecting perfection from others. I promise that I will allow myself to be human. 

I wish I would have protected you from those who just wanted to harm you. And then I blamed you for it and continued treating you that way because I felt you deserved it. How unfair of me, but I didn't know better; Never again. I know now that you were on my side all along. I will forever be on your team. I will be your ally and advocate, not your enemy. I will not believe bad things others may say about you and I will certainly not let others treat you badly. I will stick up for you. 

I will accept you "flaws" and all, because you are mine. I will take care of you, you can count on me. I will choose to love you for what you are. I will treat you with respect. I will not deprive you of food when you ask for it and I will stop eating when you have had enough. I will be active and strong. Not helpless and weak. I will use you to let my deep beauty, qualities, talents, and attributes shine through instead of using you to hide them.

I refuse to believe the lies that you are merely something to be looked at, that you will function better at a smaller size, or that you are me. We are healthy, that is all that matters. I can't believe I have never realized that before. All this time I have believed I am not healthy because I don't measure up (or I guess down) to pictures I see on TV or even comparing myself to people around me. But I am so healthy, by the real definition of the word. There is nothing wrong with you. I will not compare you anymore, because you are mine and as long as I treat you with love and respect and properly take care of you I don't have to worry about my relationship with gravity. I will not let the amount of space you take up steal anymore of my time, talents or happiness. I will let myself be happy! 

Lastly I want to thank you for my beautiful daughter. She is absolutely perfect and beautiful. She is strong, healthy, vibrant and happy! I can see her little personality shining through already. I can't quite get over how much I love her. I love my little post pregnancy pooch it reminds me of the miracle that took place right inside of me. It reminds me that I am capable of miracles. Thank you for helping me create her, you truly are an amazing gift. I will spend the rest of my life treating you as the God given gift that you are!

Sincerely your friend,

Meg