Binge Eating

There is nothing worse then the after affects of over or binge eating. The thoughts of guilt and shame and "I can't believe I did it again, when will this ever end?"

I think one of the most harmful thoughts that I had in recovery was that recovery takes a loooooog time and its reeeeeaaaallllly hard so I'm going to have lapses and relapses and there are going to be times when I binge and overeat so its just inevitable. 

I think this gave me the idea that life was just happening to me and I have no control. When in fact I am in the drivers seat of my life. It is my choice whether I binge or not, it is my choice whether I purge or not, It is my choice whether I eat or not. I realized at one point that I could choose to stop the moment I wanted to. I didn't have to wait. I didn't have to give anymore of my life to my eating disorder or disordered eating habits. I could take my life back, right then. The end. 

Yes, there are times when you are so far in and lost that you need professional help to get out of the fog and see clearly and get support. I needed the 24 hour support and structured environment to catch a breath from my addiction, I was suffocating and needed the extra help, I didn't know what to do. But now that I have the tools and have learned so much, It is my responsiblity to use them and choose recovery every day. I am responsible for my life. I can give myself the life I've always wanted. I can give myself the gift of health. 

So I struggled mostly with bulimia. It started with a very restricted diet that got more and more restricted which eventually led my food deprived body to overeating, then binge eating, then binge eating and purging. So the majority of my Ed was binge eating. It's the thing that has been the hardest for me to overcome. So eating healthy for me is vital to my recovery. Taking care of my body and mind is vital to my recovery. Exercising regularly is vital to my recovery. I'm not perfect but have come really really far.

So I am giving myself the gift of a healthy life, I am taking care of me because I care about me. 

I think one of the KEYS to overcoming binge eating is when you have the temptation to SIT and DO NOTHING. Just listen to the thoughts that come. FEEL your feelings. I think our society is one of numbing feelings. And you can't just numb "negative ones", when you do that you simultaneously numb positive ones. You can't selectively numb. What you do to your body affects your spirit. I want to be in touch with my core feelings and emotions, even the painful hard ones because that means i'm alive. So when you have the urges to binge, Sit there and think, I REALLY want to binge right now and just numb all this pain (or joy) I am feeling, BUT I'M NOT GOING TO. I CHOOSE LIFE. And not just to live but to LIVE with my heart wide open and raw. Does that make sense?

Anyway if you are struggling with binge eating I hope that helps. Also make sure you are feeding your body adequate nutrition or else your body is going to go in deprived survival mode and its natrual instinvt it to get food in you, as much as it can as fast as it can. So if you are starving your body, your body is only doing its job. Remember your body is on your side. I think people forget that. Our bodies are our greatest gift. They are not a problem. They are a tool for our spirits to experience this life. 

Just know you are not alone, so many people struggle with Eating Disorders, and especially binge eating. Don't feel shame, because it happens. It's an easy thing to get trapped in but its much easier to get out of then some people say because you have the POWER to choose! You are in the drivers seat of your life. We can't blame our past, our experiences or the conditions of our life. We have to take responsiblity for ourselves and give ourselves the lives we've always wanted. 

Another thing that is helping me is that the more times you resist the urges to act out on eating disorder behaviors the stronger you get and the more you are able to resist them. It's almost like breaking a bad habit...it takes time but it gets easier. Every time you resist the urge you are building new grooves in your brain and the old destructive ones are getting filled in. Our brains are amazing. The affects on the brain in bulimia patients are similar to that of a drug addict.  The good new is that our brains can be healed and rewired and old habits can become new. I'm not saying that an eating disorder is just a habit there is a lot more to it but that is part of it and I believe that people can absolutely change and the power lies within each of us. Give yourself the gift of recovery. Dare to live with your whole heart and feel raw emotions, the good and the bad. Dare to give yourself the life you want. Dare to be who you know you can be. 

Much Love.