Did you know that a lot of people with ED's don't "look like" they have an ED. They are often average or even above average weight.
When I was in the depths of my eating disorder I desperately wanted help, I didn't know what to do to help myself. I didn't think I was skinny enough to get help, I didn't think health care professionals would really think I was "that bad" and that they wouldn't take me seriously. I justified myself saying I am not skinny enough, I am not that bad. But looking at my life, I was that bad.
When I went in for my assessment with CFC the therapist determined what I needed was in-patient treatment. I immediately said, but I'm not skinny enough. I will be the only one not skinny and people will think I am lying. She said, you don't know how many times we hear that. So many girls go to treatment fearing that they are not skinny enough to get help. I remember her telling me there are some girls that are really really skinny but their are also many girls who aren't, who are average size or even above. And she was right, there were all shapes and sizes in treatment. Anyone can be suffering from an ED, you can't tell by looking at them. Don't let your weight keep you from getting treatment. If you work with the right professionals they will have worked with enough ED patients to know that you can't tell the severity of your Ed by your weight.
Eating Disorders are glamorized in the media, most people don't really understand what they are all about. This is so sad to me because they are such a huge problem. ED's aren't glamorous, they come from a place of self hatred and coping with a life that is unmanageable. Did you know a huge percentage of girls that struggle with ED's have been through some form of abuse.
My point is it's not about weight and its not about food. At CFC we weren't even aloud to talk about food unless we were with our dieticians. Most of our groups were about LIFE. about relationships, communication, self-esteem, etc...things that helped us cope with life. Because as we were getting our ED coping mechanisms taken away from us we needed something to replace them. That is why simply having someone gain weight and not fixing the underlying problems of their ED won't last for long.
With any addiction you have to create a life where you don't need that addiction anymore. If you simply take away their behavior they will either revert to another behavior or eventually give in to their old behaviors.
Good news is Change is absolutely possible and there is LIFE after an Eating Disorder.
Be patient with yourself, be gentle with yourself, have love towards yourself and never give up. You are worth fighting for.
I have been thinking a lot about my experience at CFC lately for some reason, I miss it, it was a great time in my life. I came back to life there and had a lot of laughs and tears. I met some of my best friends there and my life was filled with hope and happiness for the first time in years. I am so deeply grateful for this experience and to have got the help I needed. I don't know where I would be without it. If you helped me get there and supported me during this time know that I am so deeply grateful for you and you helped save my life. Not a day goes by where I don't think about this experience and how much it has bettered my life. To this day I try to model my life after the things I learned there. I am not perfect but I have come so so far.
If you have an ED, do everything you can to get the help you need. It is your life. I didn't think I was good enough to go to CFC and I was really really scared but I was at rock bottom and it was my hope I was hanging on to. Just know that recovery is possible and its hard, the hardest thing i've ever done, but it is so worth it. Today, I am grateful for my life, for my recovery, and for CFC. Thank you all who have helped and supported and loved me.
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