A few weeks ago my 2 yr old had her finger smashed in a door. The wind blew it shut and its a really heavy door that goes into the garage so it was no small injury. I was taking the garbage out and heard a blood curdling scream and my heart dropped. I ran as fast as I could to her and she came running to me holding her blood dripping finder out to me. Her face was pale and she was almost out of breath because of shock. I tried my best not to panic, but I did. I wasn't sure what to do. I tried rinsing off the blood to see how bad the damage was, but she wouldn't let me. I tried holding a wet wash cloth on it and putting pressure on it but she would just kick and scream. I tried doing nothing and just calming her down so I could then wash it off but she wouldn't let me do that either. I tried hugging, talking softly, singing, sitting her on my lap, sitting her on the couch and a host of other things. But nothing, just kicking and screaming, I wanted to comfort and sooth and help her so bad. My heart was breaking but what could I do? She would not let me touch her, she just kept kicking and screaming.
During this moment, I realized...this is me and God.
And probably a lot of us and God.
All he's trying to do is help and love and bless his children.
We are all hurting but we sometimes resist the healing love that he so eagerly wants to give us.
For me it's because I think i'm not good enough, the guilt and shame of all my failures and weaknesses seems like they must be too unlovable so I go on believing i'm deemed unlovable.
Or I think I have to somehow earn the healing. Like as soon as i'm "good enough" then I will be worthy of him healing me. So I try harder and harder and harder. Kicking and screaming harder and harder like it's going to make it better.
When really Christ's atonement is infinite it covers everything for everyone and no one is beyond it's reach. Jesus Christ is mighty to save.
Maybe we resist his commandments because we see them as restrictive when really they just keep us safe from all that will hurt us and guide us safely home to him.
.....I didn't know what to do so I called my husband but he was going in to take a test so he couldn't come home so I called my mom and she came over as fast as she could. With the both of us holding her down we were able to wash Mila's finger, assess the damage, put some neosporin on it and apply some gauze and tape. The moment we put it on she looked at her finger, calmed down, then looked at us through red, swollen, tear filled eyes and said in the softest, sweetest voice, "I'm okay"
She then let me love and cuddle her, and I did all day. The rest of the day it was like it didn't even happen she played all day and was happy as can be minus a tantrum or two. (as I said, like normal :)
That night when we took the bandaging off to clean it and reapply neosporin she got a little frightened when she saw it and wouldn't touch anything and acted really timid and hurt until we got the bandage back on, then she was hunky dory and went on her way.
The neosporin and Bandage are like Jesus Christ.
Just like I was finally able to get Mila to let me apply neosporin and a bandage If we let Heavenly Father apply the atonement to our lives, through living in harmony with his laws and teachings, than it allows him to comfort, console, succor, lift, and heal us.
Just like Mila knew everything was going to be okay and her finger would heal because she had a bandage on we know that everything will be more than okay because we have a savior, a redeemer, a deliverer. Someone who knows exactly how we feel, what were going through and how to get us through it. Not only that he will go with us through it. And we know that God is overall that "all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things." We know that he is in charge.
As I open up my heart to my Father and stop kicking and screaming I realize he's been trying to love me all along.
I believe that he loves me even though I wonder how he can and how I feel so unlovable at times.
I believe that he is healing me even though I feel so broken and beyond repair.
I believe that the atonement can reach and heal all wounds. There isn't a single hurt, pain, heartbreak, weakness, addiction, sin, or lost soul that the atonement of Jesus Christ can't heal, redeem, recover or set free.
I believe I am known by him by name, that I am precious to him and that I am in his tender care even though things seem really chaotic and out of control and scary sometimes. I believe he is mindful and aware of me and that he will not let me fail.
I believe my future is bright even though it is uncertain.
I believe I can overcome all things because I can ask for his Grace and he will give it to me. I know that he is for me, not against me.
I believe that someday I will understand all things and see the whole picture unfold but for now that comfort, peace, joy and assurance he gives is sufficient for me. Seeing only one step in front of me is enough. I trust in his divine promises and that he is mighty to save, yes even me, not because of my goodness, but because of his infinite goodness and perfect love.
I pray that my hope in Christ will grow more firm and my faith more unshakable.
"Come unto me" he says, "all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I shall give you rest, take my yoke upon you and learn of me for I am meek and lowly in heart and ye shall find rest unto your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light" (Matthew 11:28-30)
My peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you, not as the world giveth give I unto you, let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid" (John 14:27)
I am in awe of him and so grateful for his divine plan and perfect love that will never fail me.
...Milas finger is almost completely healed. When it happened I was sure our life was going to be different for at least a year (ha ha) but now it's almost like it didn't happen except for the missing finger nail, that's a little creepy, but it doesn't seem to bother her one bit so I guess we're good!
"The Atonement, which can reclaim each one of us, bears no scars. That means that no matter what we have done or where we have been or how something happened, if we truly repent, He has promised that He would atone. And when He atoned, that settled that. There are so many of us who are thrashing around, as it were, with feelings of guilt, not knowing quite how to escape. You escape by accepting the Atonement of Christ, and all that was heartache can turn to beauty and love and eternity.
I am so grateful for the blessings of the Lord Jesus Christ, for the power of procreation, for the power of redemption, for the Atonement—the Atonement which can wash clean every stain no matter how difficult or how long or how many times repeated. The Atonement can put you free again to move forward, cleanly and worthily, to pursue that path that you have chosen in life.
I bear witness that God lives, that Jesus is the Christ, that the Atonement is not a general thing that is for the whole Church. The Atonement is individual, and if you have something that is bothering you—sometimes so long ago you can hardly remember it—put the Atonement to work. It will clean it up, and you, as does He, will remember your sins no more. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
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