Dear Body

Dear body of mine,

I did not realize what a gift you are, I took you for granted. Once upon a time I was so excited to meet you and get to live in you. You would allow me to do everything I could not do without you. You would help me grow and learn and experience in ways that I couldn't without you. You would help me come alive! I'm sorry, I didn't realize how special, vital, & unique you are.

Please forgive me for all the times I hated you and wanted to get rid of you, and for all the times I mistreated you and abused you. I feel so horrible for all the times you were telling me I'm hungry and I ignored you thinking I was doing you a favor. And for all the times I put you through so much stress with my head in the toilet. I thought you did, but you didn't deserve that, no body does. I didn't know then, but I know now. We are doing so good, its been over two years since I treated you that badly! I promise I will treat you with the love and respect you merit.

I did not realize that you are MINE. That I did not have to listen to all those people telling me there was something wrong with you, that I needed to "fix" you, or that you were not good enough. I realize now that you don't want to be the center of attention that your purpose is to help me, who I am, quirks and all, shine through. I thought you wanted to be admired and give the illusion of perfection. I thought that's how I would be acceptable and worthy of love. I did not know you just wanted me to let go and be myself. That I already have something worthwhile and lovable about me and that I am worthy of being loved and my Love is worth having. I know now, and I promise that I will do my best to love and be loved without being perfect or expecting perfection from others. I promise that I will allow myself to be human. 

I wish I would have protected you from those who just wanted to harm you. And then I blamed you for it and continued treating you that way because I felt you deserved it. How unfair of me, but I didn't know better; Never again. I know now that you were on my side all along. I will forever be on your team. I will be your ally and advocate, not your enemy. I will not believe bad things others may say about you and I will certainly not let others treat you badly. I will stick up for you. 

I will accept you "flaws" and all, because you are mine. I will take care of you, you can count on me. I will choose to love you for what you are. I will treat you with respect. I will not deprive you of food when you ask for it and I will stop eating when you have had enough. I will be active and strong. Not helpless and weak. I will use you to let my deep beauty, qualities, talents, and attributes shine through instead of using you to hide them.

I refuse to believe the lies that you are merely something to be looked at, that you will function better at a smaller size, or that you are me. We are healthy, that is all that matters. I can't believe I have never realized that before. All this time I have believed I am not healthy because I don't measure up (or I guess down) to pictures I see on TV or even comparing myself to people around me. But I am so healthy, by the real definition of the word. There is nothing wrong with you. I will not compare you anymore, because you are mine and as long as I treat you with love and respect and properly take care of you I don't have to worry about my relationship with gravity. I will not let the amount of space you take up steal anymore of my time, talents or happiness. I will let myself be happy! 

Lastly I want to thank you for my beautiful daughter. She is absolutely perfect and beautiful. She is strong, healthy, vibrant and happy! I can see her little personality shining through already. I can't quite get over how much I love her. I love my little post pregnancy pooch it reminds me of the miracle that took place right inside of me. It reminds me that I am capable of miracles. Thank you for helping me create her, you truly are an amazing gift. I will spend the rest of my life treating you as the God given gift that you are!

Sincerely your friend,

Meg

Meet Robyn...:)

Meet my friend Robyn. When I first met her in treatment she was so quiet and trapped in perfectionism and rigidity. I watched her struggle, work and fight to overcome ED. Today she is married, pregnant, happy and full of LIFE! As you see in the video she even took up acting again, a major passion that ED had taken from her. This video demonstrates my favorite part of recovery...not getting rid of ED but getting to know yourself again and coming back to life! There is no better feeling. I seriously remember the first time I really laughed at the Center and remembering how good it felt to laugh, because I hadn't for some time. ED takes so much away from you but there is SO much to gain and take back as you recover! Life has so much to offer and there is so much potential just waiting to bust out as you move further and further into recovery! Also I think this is a great video for exercise bulimia awareness, something that is becoming more and more common. For more on this topic you might want to check out my previous post "ED Free reasons to Exercise" and also the IE principle of this week: "Exercise, Feel the Difference!"

If I were Satan...

(Check out my New PAGE for the Intuitive Eating Principle of the week! This will make it easier to have them all in one place instead of scattered throughout my blog...)

At my moms house yesterday I found an old recovery binder I had completely forgotten about and this was in it. This poem is so true in today's world!...

IF I WERE SATAN

Written by Kathleen Slade Hofer, adapted from Paul Harvey

I would gain control of gifted, creative, compassionate women in the world. I would attack the women because then I could destroy the future children and the family, the backbone of any nation. I would delude female minds into thinking their worth was their body, their appearance and achievements. I would promote an attitude of loving material things and using people, instead of the other way around. I would dupe entire generations of women into comparing themselves to the illusions portrayed in the media. I would have complete control of the media so that every day I would pollute the thoughts of women for my agenda. I would promote pornography and violence as art and entertainment. I would make the female body a sex object and promote fashions which make that statement. I would confuse women into thinking that glamour is beauty. I would get women to worship movie stars and models. I would set a standard of thinness as beauty in order to make women weak. I would make it socially acceptable for a woman to dishonor her body through starvation in order to attain society’s ideal for the female form. I would convince women that their hunger is a sin. I would make life so fast-paced and noisy that there is no time to nourish each other, to play together or listen. I would degrade the sacredness of marital intimacy and fidelity. I would make divorce easy and attractive, even fashionable. I would make it legal to take the life of unborn babies; I would make it socially acceptable to mutilate one’s body or take one’s own life. I would cheapen human life as much as possible, so that the lives of animals are valued more than human beings. I would promote a culture of perfectionism and competition where women are taught to feel inferior, guilty and not good enough. I would teach women to compete with each other and to compete with men. I would persuade women to focus on the God of self instead of their Creator. I would take spirituality out of the schools and out of the homes and out of the hearts of gifted, creative, compassionate women. I would leave things pretty much the way they are.

Body Image Challenge, Day 6

 The Challenge:

NO FAT TALK

Refrain from talk about weight or shape of self and others. Be aware of how often you compare yourself to others, and evaluate how this makes you feel. The obsession with weight, shape and appearance continues among women partially because we encourage it in each other. We have made it unacceptable for a woman to be at peace with her body. Refraining from speaking about weight and shape--positively or negatively--allows us to focus on a person’s real value and worth.

Journal: How difficult was it to avoid fat talk?

Most of us don't even realize how much we "fat talk" but it is all around us and whether or not you realize it, it has a HUGE negative impact. Once you stop using Fat talk you will be SHOCKED at how often you hear it. Make a commitment to work on eliminating it from your life all together; your life and the life of the people you love will be better because of it. We have enough people who fat talk. We need more who don't. Whether you're saying it out loud or thinking it in your head about yourself or others, its damaging lives. Start being more kind to your body and to others. Fat talk includes comparing, it's very difficult not to compare yourself to others, but we have to CHOOSE to make the conscious effort not to. Once we do we are freed to embrace the bodies we have been given. Ending fat talk and comparison helps us heal and get to a place of self empowerment and acceptance.

Body Image Challenge, Day 5

EXERCISE FOR FUN

Choose a form of exercise that you ENJOY, a form you wouldn’t

normally choose because it calls attention to your body.

Exercise is necessary for health, but we have turned it into a duty, obligation and

punishment--something we do to “make up” for the food we eat. Women are bombarded with media messages that tell us we can’t run, swim, do yoga, or any number of things unless we have the “perfect” body. We must stop waiting to achieve perfection and live our lives to the fullest--taking risks, trying new things, and utilizing the unlimited potential of our bodies.

Journal: How did your body feel during and after your exercise? Reflect on the blessing of being able to move.

Healthy relationship between eating and exercising:

1. Exercise uses the energy that has been provided by foods eaten.

2. Eating Restores the Energy used by exercise.

Unhealthy relationship between eating and exercising:

1. Intentionally exercising to "compensate" for what was eaten

2. Eating so much as to not feel capable of being active

ha ha ha...

So many people look in all the wrong places to get "healthy" (like diet shakes, which are actually not very substantial or nutritious, who can live on those anyways, seriously!) When what we really need to be focusing on is health through living a balanced and active lifestyle. Its not our bodies that are the problem, it is society that's the MAJOR problem. They have confused us about what is really healthy and normal and what is not. They really don't care about our health or our self esteem, obviously. They just want to make money, and they're good at it. The beauty industry is a 6 billion dollar a year industry invested in making you feel like your not good enough, not skinny enough, and not pretty enough. There are a lot of people that make a lot of money off of women's distorted self image. There is always going to be a new quick diet or exercise solution as long as there is money to be made. Let's support or take part in the insanity! Why do we focus so much on toning, shaping, fixing, transforming, cutting, losing.....When the real issue here is HEALTH. If more people would focus on health and body respect rather than losing weight there would be more people getting off there hineys, getting active and eating more nutritiously. There would be less obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, you name it. So many people feel like they can never obtain the unrealistic beauty ideal in the media, So they give up all together. Some think they are too fat or they are too self conscious to be active. On the other end of the spectrum there would be a decrease in eating disorders, less self destructive behavior and less body hatred. If we would all embrace body diversity and change our focus from weight loss to health, a lot would change. Worst of all the term HEALTH is used everywhere to describe things that are clearly not healthy for our bodies. Thin does not equal healthy. Recognize that Health in today's society is majorly distorted.

Click here to learn 10 reasons why BMI's (better for business) are a terrible measurment of health...

Body Image Challenge, Day 4

THE CHALLENGE:

GET READY ON THE INSIDE

How much time do you spend getting ready each day? Today, use the same amount of time to get ready on the inside. Meditate, write in your journal, or perform an act of service.

Women spend thousands of hours on their appearances over a lifetime. Think

about what you could accomplish if you spent the same amount of time each day preparing your inner self. How would you be different? How would each day be different?

Journal: Did you notice a difference in how you felt throughout the day? Explore why or why not.

Body Image Challenge, Day 3

THE CHALLENGE:

10 POSITIVE THINGS

Make a list of 10 positive things you like about yourself that have nothing to do with your appearance--and 10 positive things you like about your appearance.

Your perception of yourself includes the physical. We won’t pretend it’s

not important--physical factors are part of the mortal world we live in. We’ve challenged you to make two lists because both your inner and outer beauty affect you--and there will be times you feel insecure about both.

Refer back to your lists and remember the positive.

Journal: Was it easier to come up with things you like about yourself, or things about your appearance?

Body Image Challenge Day 1

The Challenge:

  Write for at least ten minutes in your journal expressing gratitude for all the things your body allows you to do. 

Also today and throughout the 10 day challenge refrain from weighing yourself.  

To download the 10 day body image challenge and do it with me click on this link: https://recapturingbeauty.byu.edu/challenge/

The not weighing myself part was really easy for me because I don't weigh myself anymore :) Its so freeing to focus on how I feel and my health rather than a stupid number that I'm never going to be happy with anyways, and that doesn't necessarily reflect my health.
My journal experience was awesome! I use to do things like this at CFC all the time and I always find it very helpful, I'm going to try to do it more often!
While I was writing I got to thinking about how positive body image doesn't come from loving how you look, in fact it doesn't come from outer appearance at all. Instead it comes from appreciating the person you are- the soul you are; and appreciating all that your body allows you to experience and enjoy. I've asked myself the question, why is it important for me to take care of my physical body? I've come to realize its because it effects my soul. By caring for our bodies we are caring for the home of our souls. When we don't care for our physical bodies (by either eating too much or too little, or working out too much or not being active) we are damaging our souls and cheating our potential. My commitment to be healthy (true healthy not the medias distorted idea of healthy) has changed from a physical goal to a spiritual goal. My reasons behind wanting to be healthy stem from wanting to have a sharp mind and the energy I need to become the best I can be. Not to see a certain # on the scale or fit into my skinny jeans.
I also thought about how grateful I am to be a woman of strength! I don't want to be itty bitty, I am proud of my curves! Now days it seems like women are suppose to live up to this standard of being so skinny and physically perfect that they are portrayed as FRAIL and WEAK. NO! What is that?! Women are suppose to be strong! Real Woman have character and purpose! We are not equivalent to a clothes hanger or mannequin nor can we be used, manipulated or coaxed into believing that we have to fit a certain "standard" or "mold" of beauty, or that our beauty or worth is connected in any way to our outer appearance. The painted pictures in the media of how women are suppose to be now days is so sad to me. What happened to beauty of the mind and of the heart? The kind of beauty you can feel, not see.

I am grateful for everything that makes me unique and different. I love my curly hair! At CFC we had a body image challenge day and I remember I was given the challenge to wear a short sleeve shirt and to do my hair curly (scary I know! but it was difficult for me at the time). Now I do my hair curly all the time, I use to always straiten it but now I love how unique it is! I am grateful for everything that makes me, me.

Also I am so grateful my body works properly and that I am healthy, that I can walk, talk, hear, see, smell, touch, taste, that every part of me is working properly. That is something I often taken for granted. There are so many people out there who struggle and suffer because of poor health. How can I complain about the size of my calves or worry about the size of my thighs when without my legs I would be completely dependant on other people to do pretty much everything for me! Wow what an ungrateful thought. I just think this appearance obsessed world has there priorities all mixed up.

I am so grateful for my body and all that it allows me to experience, learn and ENJOY! Even all the bad crappy stuff because without all the bad crappy stuff I wouldn't know all the amazing, serene, wonderful stuff! Our bodies really are a miracle and a masterpiece and I am especially grateful that my body has recovered from ED and all the damage I did to it. Our bodies are amazing! And we might as well LOVE the ones we are given because they are the only ones we get! I love my body because its mine. I am so happy to be at a place where I can trust my body and where I truly am loving it, its an amazing feeling that once upon a time was so foreign to me.
GO RECOVERY!!!

Truth:

D&C 101:37 Therefore, care not for the body neither the life of the body; but care for the soul and for the life of the soul.

Samuel 16:7 ...for the lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance but the lord looketh on the heart.

Love your whole body



The media breaks us down into body parts- legs, butt, stomach, thighs, the list goes on... all airbrushed and touched up to perfected impossible standards. No wonder 80% of U.S. women are dissatisfied with their appearance! What would happen if instead of passively accepting everything we saw in the media we thought critically about the images that were being shown to us. What if instead of being victim to the insane standards around us we CHOSE to disregard them and love ourselves and our bodies! I challenge you (and me) to think of your body as a whole. No more "I don't like my arms" or "my target area is my thighs" etc. Think of your body as a whole. Don't dissect yourself down into parts. Where did that come from anyway? We are more then the "flab" on our arms, the pooch in our stomach or the "junk in our trunk". You are not just an ornament to look at or a coat hanger to hang clothes on. Demand respect for your body, don't let others treat you like you're below standards of beauty. Most importantly don't treat yourself like that because by doing so, you give others permission to do the same. Your body is not a democracy, you're the only one who gets a vote. So next time you look in the mirror resist the temptation to focus in on your so called weak area and focus on your body as a whole, think about the person you are and instead of disgustingly thinking of some way to "fix" your "target area" recognize something you did awesome today! Then take that time you would spend on "fixing" your "target area" and make a goal to improve your whole self. Change your goal from weight loss to improving your health- including your whole self.

p.s. I saw a lady today wearing a shirt that said "LOVE YOUR BODY" and it made me sooooo happy inside, I want one!